wednesday
i had class at 5:30 and was supposed to take test 2/3. i was bracing for it all day. mentally pacing. preparing.
then it got canceled because of a power outage.
i felt instant relief.
and then immediately after, this weird emptiness.
like my structure for the day disappeared and i didn't know who i was supposed to be for the next few hours. it's strange how much of my sense of purpose is tied to the next task. when the task vanishes, it's like the momentum vanishes too.
audio source: taken from starzz youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUI_tVU77cw&t=567s
timestamps from that video description:
disclaimer: this is a non-commercial fan page. i claim no credit for the music, audio, or any copyrighted material. full credit belongs to the original artists and rights holders. i only claim my original writing on this page.
today, six years ago, i found out i was pregnant with my first born. the moment that quietly changed my entire life forever.
i genuinely thought i was having a pancreatitis flare. i had just finished a night shift and dragged myself to indigo urgent care, convinced something was wrong. but before that, i randomly stopped at vic's pizzeria and somehow managed to stomach a pepsi and a slice of cheese pizza. which was wild, because i could not even keep water down at the time.
in my mind, i never thought i could get pregnant. like... ever. so there i was, taking the most expensive and slightly embarrassing pregnancy test of my life at urgent care (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
and now here we are. i sometimes feel like i manifested him because i used to dream about having a little boy. and a couple years later, boom. there he was.
he is the sweetest soul. because of him, i see life more tenderly. softer. slower. more intentional. he gave my life a depth of purpose i did not know i was missing. and for him, i will keep becoming better. always.
i made a buy me a coffee account because i am, respectfully, broke. i hate asking, but closed mouths don't get fed, and if you enjoy my little corner of the internet and want to support it, it would genuinely mean so much to me. buy me a coffee if you can't, no worries at all. reading, sharing, and engaging with my posts already supports me more than you know ♡