have you ever heard of the concept of the hungry ghost realm in buddhism?

hungry ghosts are described as beings with huge empty stomachs and tiny mouths. always starving, always reaching, but never actually able to feel full.

and i'm not gonna lie... the first time i read that i was like oh that's actually kind of insane.

and then i opened my phone.

and i was like oh.

this feels familiar.

because why am i refreshing the same app over and over like something new is going to magically appear for me specifically. why am i checking who saw what, who liked what, what that might mean, what it might not mean. like girl stand up.

it's this constant low-level reaching. not even for anything specific half the time. just... something. attention, reassurance, distraction, validation. anything that might make me feel a little more full.

and when i do get it, it lands for like a second.

and then it's gone.

and i'm right back in it again.

tiny mouth, huge stomach.

i hate how accurate that is.

because social media really does feel like a space full of hungry ghosts. people consuming each other's lives, comparing, presenting, reaching. and i'm not even saying that from above, i'm literally in the mix refreshing my own page like did that hit or not.

it's lowkey humbling to realize you're not immune to it. like damn... i too am spiritually pacing back and forth in the timeline looking for crumbs.

and the weirdest part is it doesn't even feel like suffering while you're inside of it. it just feels normal. like this is just how we exist now.

but every once in a while i step back and i'm like... wait.

nothing in here is actually built to fill me up.

and i keep trying anyway.